Monologues
by Joveus Molai
Summary: Collection of short story monologues, from a variety of characters.
1. Arigatou, Gomennasai

_Author's note: I highly recommend that you read a certain chapter in Cage in Lunatic Runagate before you read this story. I can't say which one, since that would ruin the surprise._

**Arigatou, Gomennasai**

* * *

It's been a while, hasn't it?

I'd mean to do this a long time ago, but things kept happening, and I forgot about it for a while, and...

...

...no, I'll be honest. It was cold feet that kept me from doing this earlier. Looks like I finally managed to get off my lazy ass, though. Funny, I've been through hell most of my life, but somehow I this is harder than anything else I've ever done.

Anyways, where to start...

First, I want to say thanks. You did a lot for me, you know: maybe more than you realized. You took care of me when I was just a stupid little girl, obsessed with something just as stupid. You helped me rise and stand on my own two feet, even when I felt so tired I just wanted to lie down and die. You treated me like I was a person, and showed me kindness, and warmth, and fellowship, not hatred and scorn like everyone else did. You were the brother I'd always wanted, the father I'd always wished for.

You were the one person who'd smile back at me, and tell me to keep going, when everyone else sneered and told me to stay behind. No one would've blamed you if you'd left me to rot that day...but you saved my life. So I want to say thank you. Because, now that I look back, you, and the things you did for me, meant a lot to me.

Second, I...I wanted...

...

...I don't know why I betrayed you that day—no, that's not true. I do know why. I just...I just don't want to admit I did it for such a petty reason. If it's any consolation, the rest of my life after that was a hell I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, but...that doesn't change the fact I betrayed you. You did so much for me, but I stabbed you in the back for my own selfish desires. You gave me your trust, but I spat on it, and murdered you. Everything you ever did for me, everything I just thanked you for, I threw it all away in a heartbeat for one pathetic, childish reason.

I guess...I guess what I'm trying to say is...

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I killed you.

I'm sorry I betrayed you.

I'm sorry I threw away the bond we shared while we climbed that mountain.

I'm sorry I spat on the kindness you showed me.

I'm sorry I made the laughter we had together mean nothing.

I'm sorry.

...

...hollow words, aren't they? I hope they might let you rest a little easier now. But nothing can undo what I did to you, so I'll spend the rest of my life remembering and atoning, for your murder and a thousand other sins I still carry with me.

Thanks, again, and...and I'm sorry.

Goodbye, Iwakasa.


	2. Tell Me

**Tell Me**

* * *

I can't help but wonder.

You're sitting there in front of me, one hand holding a cup of sake, the other reaching for a snack. We're laughing together, sharing stories and telling jokes and teasing our servants within earshot of them. You throw me a glance hidden with many meanings, I respond with a smile hiding just as much; then we hold each other's gaze for one, long moment, and then break out into laughter.

Yet...

Yet sometimes, when you think I'm not looking, you stare out into the sky, or at a cherry tree, and I see a certain look in your eyes. A touch of sorrow, a hint of regret, a pinch of guilt. Then you notice my gaze, and we go back to playing the games we play.

I've asked you, every once in a while, why you do this. You've responded by waving it aside. You're seeing things, you say. Or you'll show me something new and wonderful from the outside world, hoping I'll forget. So I can't help but wonder...

Why won't you tell me, Yukari?

Is there something about me that makes you sad? Is it the clothes I wear? Is it the things I say? Is it the glances I give you, which you always reply with a teasing, knowing smile? Do they break your heart? If you wish it, then I'll never look at you that way again—just tell me so that I know, and so that I'm not left guessing.

Or perhaps it's the scenery. If you'd like, I could have the finest carpenters in Gensokyo renovate the place—or just have Youmu do it, it would work either way. Or maybe you're tired of the cherry blossom trees. I know they're the jewel in the Netherworld's crown, but if you want I could have Youmu cut them all down. Even that big one, the one that never blooms.

Or maybe something terrible is brewing outside the Netherworld? But that couldn't be; your eyes never seem sad when you're talking to Youmu or your fox. If things outside were troubling you, you'd look as burdened around them as you are with me. It's only when you're around me that you seem like something is tearing at your heart. Only me.

But what could it be? If it's not what I say, or wear, or do, if it's not the sights around you, if it's not the troubles of the world...what could it be?

Why won't you tell me, Yukari? Why won't you tell me? Haven't we shared a thousand secrets between us, when it was just you and me under the cherry blossom trees? What about when we whispered to each other, under the blankets, hiding from the chill of late autumn? You've told me so much about you that I feel I know you better than I know myself, but this one thing, that quiet, sad look you have every so often...you might as well be weeping when you do that, Yukari, yet you won't ever tell me why.

...is a false smile going to be your only reply?

...

That's fine. That's alright. You'll tell me when you're ready, I'm sure of it. I only wish to take away your burden, Yukari, so until you're ready to help you bear it, I'll be patient.

Until then, I think I'll try and make that one cherry blossom tree bloom. I have an idea—a rather clever one, I think. Spring makes the flowers bloom, so if I have Youmu collect enough of it and give it all to that tree, I could finally have it wear flowers on its boughs, the way all the trees are meant to. Perhaps I'll even meet the person buried beneath it; I've always wondered who it was.

Once that's all done, then you and I can sit together under that cherry tree and crack open that one bottle I've been saving for the past few centuries. It'll be a wonderful party; Ran could do the cooking, Youmu could prepare the dessert, and your adorable little cat could put on a show for us. We'll talk and laugh like we always do. And maybe...maybe, under the shower of evanescent cherry blossoms..

...you could tell me why.

* * *

[i]Author's Notes[/i]

_I've always enjoyed the idea of Yukari having a giant soft spot for Yuyuko. It nicely humanizes someone I otherwise think of as being immensely powerful, wise, intelligent, and manipulative. Alas, the IaMP dialogue seems to indicate that this isn't quite as canon as I think it is..._

_That said, some of my favorite Touhou doujin comics deal with the subject of Yukari trying, and failing (or not trying and regretting) to save Yuyuko from her fate when she was alive, and the emotional consequences of her failure. Said subject is also one of the more common subjects found among relatively serious Touhou doujin, so I guess this one is just one more for the pile._ :V


End file.
